All I Want for Christmas
Well Santa had to close up his workshop Sometime after Christmas '09 'Cause sadly the economy's a mess and jobs are hard to find It's sad to see our holiday heroes Struggling to just make a dime But it's sink or swim, 'cause the times are grim It's like a Christmas Special in the unemployment line... Frosty got a job in a kitchen And his boss is in a terrible mood He said, "I swear I'm tossing you in the oven If you keep sweating in the food!" Santa went to work in a coal mine And the irony is perfectly clear He's got zero toys for the girls and boys I guess we've all been bad this year, but oh Empty sleighs in the snow All overrun with mistletoe No magic reindeer putting on a show [Chorus:] There's nothing but coal in Santa's sack Cause he's workin' in the mines now and breakin' his back "I don't know what I'm doing and I feel like a hack And all I want for Christmas is my old job back All I want for Christmas is my old job back!" Tiny Tim got laid off in August And he couldn't pay his rent anymore So he bounced around from town to town And now he's selling clothes at the Big & Tall store Little Drummer Boy had a hard time Just deciding what he wanted to be He's a fat and lazy dirty wreck, just cashing unemployment checks And now I hear he's working at the library... (Excuse me can I...Can I check out some...Can I...Excuse me can I... I'd like to check out...Sir, can I get some...Excuse me I'd like to...check out some books Shh...Quiet...Shh...Quiet...Shh...Quiet...Shh...Quiet...Shh...Quiet...Shh...Quiet) But hey It's a job, as they say A lot of work, for a little pay And I only have one wish this Christmas day... [Chorus:] Workin' in the coal mine, Santa Claus Got a great big belly gettin' stuck in the wall Got a dirty beard and a nasty cough, from Workin' in the coal mine, Santa Claus St. Nick Where'd ya go? This Christmas time we're all so low We need to know St. Nick Where'd ya go? Santa Claus is workin' as a coal miner Mrs. Claus is livin' off of tips at a diner The elves are in a sweatshop making jacket liners, oh no!! Rudolph's whole career took a nosedive Hanging out in seedy places at night Now he spends his days making minimum wage As the world's first Living Traffic Light Scrooge is bumming change off of shoppers With a bucket and a donation bell And in the finest twist of Whoville theater The Grinch got a job as a WalMart greeter [Chorus:] There's nothing but coal in Santa's sack But he's tightening up his belt and has a plan of attack "I'm no good at this job, and my lungs are black I swear this time next year I'll have my workshop back Next year I'll be opening my workshop back 'Cause all I want for Christmas is my old job..."
Submitted by VladTheImpaler666 — Apr 26, 2025