Joris (A Hardcore Opera), Pt. 2

No lyrics have been submitted for this track yet.

Thank you for visiting Tool me once your one stop hardware store We hope you've had a good time - Joris! Joris, wait! - Trish? Gary and who's that bloke? - Yeah, what's your name again? - You're joking, it's me, Big Kev - Big who? - Joris, look, we're coming with you - Coming where? I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing Why do you want to come with me? - Well, we're with you, Joris! We're a gang now! - Yeah, you know, Dickheads for Life - Look guys, I did all that Dickheads for Life stuff in there Just to get people riled up, you know But this is real life, I'm no leader! - No leader? Well, explain that over there All the staff outside the store to see

Submitted by Grave666 — Feb 23, 2026

They're here for you, Joris Goodbye Joris, we wish you all the best Whatever shit life throws at you, we know you'll pass the test If you ever need us, never fear Tool me once could always

Submitted by Grave666 — Feb 23, 2026

No lyrics have been submitted for this track yet.

You need wheels for cheap, then I'll see you at Uncle Alan's car shack He's got the widest range of motors you've ever fucking seen Oh bangers and Bentleys, it's all at Uncle Alan's car shack Inflated prices guaranteed! 20 second MOTs! Uncle Alan! Trish! So good to see ya. How's your mum? Keeping well? Never mind that, we need wheels, pronto! Well, God knows you're at the right place (sung) I've got Fiat Puntos and an old TT! Yeah, yeah, that's great, but I was gonna ask if you Ford Mondeo and a JCB! Again, not quite what I was after Alan, we're just Five door, hatchback, you decide! Step on in because therе's deals inside Dodgy dealеrs might pimp your ride Alan's got nothing to hide You need wheels for cheap, then I'll see you at Uncle Alan's car shack He's got the widest range of motors you've ever fucking seen Oh bangers and Bentleys, it's all at Uncle Alan's car shack Inflated prices guaranteed! 20 second MOTs! Alan, what we really need is a van We'll be going on tour, we're a brand new band Oh, why didn't you say so? Hmm, I haven't got one for sale But I used to take bands out in old Betsy over there back in the 80s What? You drove bands around in that old hunk of shit? Well, she might not look like much But with the right experienced driver behind the wheel It's plain sailing, let me tell ya Hmm, experienced driver? Who on earth should we ask? Okay guys, you've twisted me arm, I'll do it Call it 20 quid a day and a packet of smokes? It's a deal! One, two, three, hit it! You need wheels for cheap, then I'll see you at Uncle Alan's car shack He's got the widest range of motors you've ever fucking seen Oh bangers and Bentleys, it's all at Uncle Alan's car shack Now how about I just take a second here to break it down for you fellas? (sung) Pop down to Alan's car shack Pop down to Alan's place today Best deals this side of London town Pop down to Alan's place today Pop down to Alan's car shack Pop down to Alan's place today Best deals this side of London town Pop down to Alan's place today, yeah!

Submitted by Grave666 — Feb 23, 2026

No lyrics have been submitted for this track yet.

S-s-s-start it up That's right S-s-s-start it up That's right Start it up Got a new van with a no-cost mail And a right fucking job getting that to sell I ain't quite new, take it to hell Need a fucking bag, get it out of the bag Let's go, got shows you can't Hot kid must dash Put a pedal to the metal, gettin' hot like a cow-bear Pick a thumb leaf 'cause it sting like a nettle And it all starts here Fuck back there Fuck that fear Wait when the two of me once appear Better listen up, you won't believe your ears - Go on, Alan, let 'em have it - Raaah S-s-s-start it up That's right S-s-s-start it up That's right Start it up You'll be this, you'll bе that Fuck part time 'cause I hate that tats Thе bullshit got the hats Move like a shark 'cause I can't turn back Got shows you can't Oh yeah Fuck it, mustache Ha, put a pedal to the metal Get hot like a cow Better pick a dog leaf 'cause I sting like a messung Let it all start, sir Fuck back there Fuck that fear Wave with the two of me once again When it lifts enough, you won't believe your ears S-s-s-start it up Yeah S-s-s-start it up Start it up S-s-s-start it up That's right That's right S-s-s-start it up Yeah That's right S-s-s-start it up S-s-s-start it up S-s-s-start it up

Submitted by Grave666 — Feb 23, 2026

- Oh, mate, pull over at those services, I'm dying for a piss - There's always one - Eric Clapton had a bladder the size of a Malteser - Hang on, over there, getting out of that battered old red fiesta, isn't that? - That's Jeremy Lonsdale! - Oh, that old washed up has-been, I can't stand his music! - What? - You must be kidding, he's one of the all-time greats! - God, he looks awful! - Tell you what, you sell 80 million records worldwide and then take a look in the mirror - Right, let me out, I'm gonna get his autograph - No, no, no, wait, wait, Trish! - Jеremy Lonsdale, it really is you! Can I gеt a picture with you, please? - Uh, yeah, I guess so You'll have to tag me in it though, Jeremy Lonsdale Rocks '72 Need to get my name back out there with the kids, yeah? - It's so good to see you still on tour, Mr Lonsdale We've just hit the road for the first time ourselves, actually - Hit the road? You lot musicians? - Yeah, something like that - We've been roped into playing an open mic night by a car salesman - Oi! - Turn back, it's not too late - Oi? - You think I wanna be living out of a suitcase long past my prime? Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and wash up in the toilets - Wait, wait, Jeremy, what do you mean? - Let me tell you a thing or two about the open road

Submitted by Grave666 — Feb 23, 2026

You know what, you guys are the ones inspiring me You're right, I guess it's not that bad being on tour playing your heart out every night I insist you lot come and open up for me and my sold out show tonight - Sick - Us? A support act for Jeremy Lonsdale? Someone pinch me, I must be dreaming - Let's confirm then, see you at the venue Soundcheck's in an hour, don't be late - Woo-hoo, get in - Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold your horses Opening for Jeremy Lonsdale is all very well and good But how are we gonna do it? We haven't got any songs and we haven't got any equipment to play it on - No equipment, take a gander in the back there You're in for quite the treat - Hey, what's all this? - What is this junk? - Junk? You're looking at the world's finest vintage equipment - Looks like it was fished out of a pond These guitars only have two strings on them - Listen, it's not all about fancy equipment And it's certainly not about having a PhD in bassoon studies You see

Submitted by Grave666 — Feb 23, 2026

It ain't about the tekkers, it's about the heart More about the passion than about the part You can play all up the dusty end just like Mozart Truth is, the meaning makes the art Yes, you gotta give it your best And of course you gotta practice your craft But do you really wanna know what's gonna set you apart? Just give it some heart Believe it or not, I had aspirations to become a singer too You wanna be a rockstar? Look here It could've been me with a pop career See, I grew up on Bowie and cheers for Fizz Had stars in my eyes and a musical ear - Wait, you were in a band, Alan? - Not quite My dream took a life on stage each night Took singing lessons, asked my uncle to flow us Went to pay him back, he had me flogging old boners - I don't wanna look back and regret the past I'm done with working - I can't be arsed - Give us some tips, Alan, pass the flask - What's the secret? Give it some heart Give it some heart Some hearts? and that's all we need to do? Put some passion into your heart Give it some heart - I don't get it, why didn't you just do music in your spare time Alan? - Spare time? What's that? You try fitting anything in with a nine to five and three mouths to feed No, it wasn't meant to be Wish I could turn back time and take it seriously Like you wouldn't believe I don't wanna look back and regret the past I'm done with working, I can't be arsed Give us some tips Alan, pass the flask What's the secret? Give it some heart Give it some heart Some hearts? and that's all we need to do? Put some passion into your heart Give it some heart

Submitted by Grave666 — Feb 23, 2026

No lyrics have been submitted for this track yet.

Ah, would you please put your hands together for the one, for the only, Jeremy Lonsdale! Alright, let's rock it back to 1992 Come on! Now that's got heart! Woo! Ye remembers? Just a normal morning and I'm walking to the shops 'Round the corner comes a pair of scary looking cops The bigger one starts walking up to me and then he stops Looks me up and down and then he smacks me in the chops Nowadays in cases I need bobbies about I'm staying in my house and I ain't coming out, no 'Cause I'm frightened Of Authority

Submitted by Grave666 — Feb 23, 2026

- All right, that's enough, come on, let's get the fuck out of here, it was good while it lasted - Oh guys, no, wait, wait, I couldn't possibly let you leave without saying "hello" - Hello? Sorry, who are you? - I'm hit producer Tony Nigelson, and believe me, with just a little bit of fine tuning, you guys are gonna be huge - Oh yeah, we've heard that before - Look, you just played to the wrong crowd, guys How much do you know about heavy metal? - Heavy metal? That's music for idiots - Bingo, you got it Now, I've got a showcase for some of my artists Just across the road at a mеtal bar You know, The Crow's Foot I could probably snort you into play in, say, ten minutes? - But wе're awful - One last shot guys, go on, do it for old Uncle Alan - Look, I don't know what it is that you've got, but you've got it - Thank you, still got it

Submitted by Grave666 — Feb 23, 2026

No lyrics have been submitted for this track yet.

- Well, here we are guys, take a seat at the bar, you give me four craft ales and I'll have a whisky mek - Oh look alive, someone's about to hit the stage - Oh yeah that's right, brand new band, just finished producing these guys' album, they're called Skeletal Violation Lovely guys, great songwriters Yeah they sound it

Submitted by Grave666 — Feb 23, 2026

Guten tag, we are Skeletal Violation This song is called "mutilated Cranium" Oh yeah, yeah, thank you so much This one's called "Orgasmic Disembowelment" Alright, thank you so much, you've been an amazing audience This is our last song, it's called "Maggot Infested Remains" Danke, danke so much, you've been an amazing audience You're our favorite city in the world Goodbye, Kettering

Submitted by Grave666 — Feb 23, 2026

No lyrics have been submitted for this track yet.

- Ah, did I hear somebody ask for a drummer? - Cliff? What are you doing here? - Well, I often pop to these shows, gets a bit of agression out, you know? - Yeah, looks like it - Oh yeah, I've been a drummer since long before you mutant hearing kids jumped on the live music bandwagon Oh yeah, old Cliff's picked up a few chops along the way In fact, I'm pretty handy with the old pots and pans Seems to me like you might need to stick with old Cliff after all Where's the drum kit then? - Perfect, now we've got a full line up - Woah woah woah woah You know who this is right? This is Cliff Thе boss of the job I've just walked out off

Submitted by Grave666 — Feb 23, 2026

No lyrics have been submitted for this track yet.

- What are you guys actually called? - I don't know - Just pick something metal and completely meaningless - Shit, metal, meaningless I've got it What about "The Hell" "The Hell" Yeah, yeah Yeah, I like it Alright listen up everybody, we're called the hell The greatest hardcore band of all time

Submitted by Grave666 — Feb 23, 2026

Thank you, thank you Oh, thank you Roses, fucking hell Oh, no, yeah, I'll sign it, I'll sign it Thank you, yeah, yeah What are you doing with my glass plate, I think Oh, but, Cliff, throw the drumstick Yeah Yeah, high fives, mate, well done, well done

Submitted by Grave666 — Feb 23, 2026