The 4,000-Year-Old Virgin
Now let me tell you the story of Saint Stitzer, the Dragon-King of Vagland He is an ancient beast of an irritated sort, whose best friend might be his right hand Surrounded by lady dragons of the most attractive breed He's taken a vow of celibacy, no female knows his seed For 4,000 years, his life of sainthood in defense of the kingdom suited him well But as he reaches his four thousandth year, his life is becoming pure hell Now consumed with pent up rage, with only anger left to bestow He sets his eyes on conquest to win himself a hoe In the friend zone, he's lived for four millennia and his time is running out But in the land of Cumalot, only one other dragon fills his mind with doubt King Bubba Supreme of Cumalot gets all the ladies at will But when the 4,000-year-old virgin comes to town, it's Bubba he means to kill No longer will I live in the shadows The friend zone cannot hold me The King of Cumalot will soon be dead And I will get laid at last
Submitted by Iron_Wraith — Jun 06, 2026
No more Mister Nice Guy After four millenia of celibacy My life of sainthood has become a nightmare And I don't want it anymore My will is fading away... I lack the courage to stay... I can't lie to myself anymore There is always tomorrow to save the day Right now, there's something else on my mind Right now, I've simply got to get laid Rudely awakened from my slumber after a long night of doin' it dragon style I can see Saint Stitzer drawing near, but something isn't right I'll burn this whole kingdom down with my fiery seed If I don't get some ass, if I don't get what I need
Submitted by Iron_Wraith — Jun 06, 2026
I've been waiting for so long To get some ass, to get some ass It's so hard, I can't go on If this doesn't end soon, I'm going to explode Something is moving below Something is twitching in my trousers Just want to end my pain By starting a firestorm Firestorm of self-gratification! No stopping me now... I'm going to cum now... This is a firestorm that you'll never forget Pouring out of me until the last drop I'm going to light this bitch up Until all of my seed is spread across the land
Submitted by Iron_Wraith — Jun 06, 2026
TARGET PRACTICE! Here cums a dragon with a broken spirit A heart torn apart by a trip to the friend zone There's nothing worse than a pair of blue balls But when a dragon jerks it, the kingdom burns down You were the king back where you came from But out here, you're target practice at best You've been a virgin for 4,000 years But whose fault is that? Whose fault is that? Sorry you lived your life serving others Didn't you think you would suffer? You'll never get laid by passing the blame... You're just target practice... "Saint Stitzer, you've just made the biggest mistake of your life... It was you who decided to hold in your load for 4,000 years... So if anyone deserves to drown in dragon cum, it is you..."
Submitted by Iron_Wraith — Jun 06, 2026
Merlin: For two days and two nights I watched the dragons do battle over the kingdom of Cumalot. It broke my heart to see such turmoil after the recent era of peace. Yet despite their hatred for one another, I knew all along that they would eventually become friends. Colleagues ...in the pursuit of ass. Stitzer: I don't want to fight anymore. I need guidance. I'm all alone in this strange new world of ...trying to get laid... Bubba: It has been many moons since I lost my virginity. However, there is so much I can teach you, if you are willing to lay down your arms and become my apprentice ...in ass acquisition. Stitzer: I will do as you ask and we will strike a truce ...yet I fear that even with all the magic in the world on my side, I will never get any ...ass... Merlin: Fear not, Saint Stitzer. Bubba: Magic Merlin? Where did you come from? Merlin: I've been watching your battle from afar, and now I bring grave news... Stitzer: What news, old man? Merlin: King Cocksmoker's spirit is still without rest. He has escaped from hell. He will rise empowered by the dark forces of the underworld retake the realm. Bubba: Over my dead fucking body. Merlin: It may come to that, but in your favor, I have cast a certain spell... Stitzer: What spell have you cast, mighty wizard? Merlin: A spell bound by your oath to get Saint Stitzer laid, Bubba Supreme. Bubba: Oh? Merlin: Mark my words... If you can get the saint laid by All Hallows Eve, King Cocksmoker will be banished back to hell This I swear to you... Stitzer: But how?! All Hallows Eve will soon be upon us. I'll never get laid in time. Bubba: Don't be so sure. As I told you before, I have much to teach you. There are lessons to be learned. Stitzer: Lessons? Bubba: Yes. Lessons in Pimpness...
Submitted by Iron_Wraith — Jun 06, 2026
I've waited so long to have my own way I never thought I would get any Back when I met you, you were my enemy But now I'm thinking you're my only hope Oh, won't you teach me? Teach me your epic ways of being a pimp daddy Won't you help me? Lessons in pimpness are all that can save me I used to think you were just in my way I thought of ways I could kill you one day But now I see myself under your wings And now I'm thinking you're my only hope Bubba Supreme: I will teach you the ways of the pimp daddy dragon But once you have you learned all that I know, you must leave Cumalot forever The ass of this land belongs to me I share my kingdom with no one
Submitted by Iron_Wraith — Jun 06, 2026
King Cocksmoker: I've been waiting at the gates of hell for so, so long... For some reason, I cannot enter, my soul cannot rest... I still long for my revenge against that fucking scaly scumbag, Bubba Supreme... ...Wait. What's this? What's this I hear?! Saint Stitzer...the dragon-king of Vagland, and Bubba Supreme, the dragon-king of Cumalot ...are now BROS in the pursuit of HOES?! Impossible! That fat green fuck, Bubba Supreme, shall RUE the day he ever crossed KING COCKSMOKER! I must have my revenge! ...Only now there are TWO dragon-kings keeping me from my eternal rest... TWO dragon-kings now fly side-by-side ...one a pimp daddy, and one a pimp daddy in training... Well, well, well... HOW BROMANTIC...
Submitted by Iron_Wraith — Jun 06, 2026
How bromantic indeed... What is this? On the horizon? I cannot believe my dragon eyes! Who is this? Who is this returning from the dead? It can only be KING COCKSMOKER KING COCKSMOKER APPROACHES WE CAN'T LET THIS FUCKER WIN How bromantic is this... A hopeless virgin has found his niche But if he gets laid, I will be dismissed The curse will be broken, and I will be banished BACK TO HELL... There is so much work left to be done Give me the strength so that the day will be won King Cocksmoker: Saint Stitzer must never get ass Not until my revenge is complete, so that my soul can rest... I returned to Cumalot to vanquish my arch enemy, Bubba Supreme But if the Saint must die as well, then so be it...
Submitted by Iron_Wraith — Jun 06, 2026
What up, ya'll? King Cocksmoker in the house Did ya miss me? Gonna make you gag until you choke on my nutsack, bitch Baby, I'm back and you're under attack Gonna make you gag until you choke on my nutsack I got one thing on my mind, think back and rewind Ramming a spiky dildo up that dragon's behind You're a little green bitch and I hate your fucking guts You think you're such a pimp but you don't have any nuts I got one thing on my mind, just think back and rewind I'll jam my 12-foot sword up your scaly behind All hail the king King Cocksmoker Baby, I'm back Back again Undead king on the loose So ladies, watch your caboose No time for games I've got a job to do You think I just sit around all day And smoke my own cock, don't you? Baby, I'm back, I look like a whole snack Rising from the grave, heading for the love shack When I kill that fucking dragon, I'll have lots of time to kill Gonna spend it eating cocks, Oops, I mean pussy, oh well
Submitted by Iron_Wraith — Jun 06, 2026
Instrumental
Submitted by Iron_Wraith — Jun 06, 2026
I never meant to be so bad to you One thing I said that I would never do A look from you, and I would fall from grace And that would wipe the smile right from my face Do you remember when we used to dance? And incidents arose from circumstance One thing led to another, we were young And we would scream together songs unsung It was the heat of the moment Telling me what my heart meant The heat of the moment showed in your eyes Heat of the moment Telling me what my heart meant The heat of the moment showed in your eyes And now you find yourself in '82 The disco hot spots hold no charm for you You can concern yourself with bigger things You catch a pearl and ride the dragon's wings Heat of the moment The heat of the moment Well heat of the moment The heat of the moment showed in your eyes To catch a pearl and ride the dragon's wings is a metaphor For swallowing a hot load From daddy dragon's dick And when your looks are gone and you're alone How many nights you sit beside the phone? What were the things you wanted for yourself? Teenage ambitions you remember well It was the heat of the moment Telling me what your heart meant Heat of the moment showed in your eyes Heat of the moment Telling me what your heart meant Heat of the moment showed in your eyes Heat of the moment Heat of the moment Heat of the moment Heat of the moment showed in your eyes
Submitted by VladTheImpaler666 — Jun 30, 2026
Beware the curse of All Hallows Eve The king has returned, a new foe will rise But hope is only a cherry pop away... He's a saint in the streets! A dragon in the sheets! Beware the king, a villain on a mission He rises from the grave to be the death of fun Evil drawing nearer Destiny is clear Lead me to a better life One where I know a woman's touch Hope is only a cherry pop away... Now I know what it's like to have some pussy... Bubba Supreme: At last, Saint Stitzer knows a woman's touch. I got my bitch ex-wife, Mrs. Supreme, to sleep with him. And King Cocksmoker has thus been banished back to Hell...
Submitted by Iron_Wraith — Jun 06, 2026