Dark Matters

Good evening, come in, come in... Sit close, we have a guest for you! An Alien, a creature from the fourth dimension! Welcome to the scene of creating and absorbing your light! Weclome to the freedom now, creatively in your mind! Welcome to the freedom see, everybody's everybody. Now: everybody's free to say anything to anybody. Everybody's free to say anything you want to flow the cause! Everybody's free to be anything for everybody! He's coming, he's coming, he's coming! Ziltoid Ziltoid Ziltoid! Indeed! Ziltoid you're on the air! Ziltoid you're on my show, solo! Ziltoid you're on the air! Ziltoid you're on my show, solo! Ziltoid we're on the air! (Let's do honesty) Ladies and gentleman, we take you now to a celebration currently in progress for the intergalactic celebration...ZILTOID, THE OMNISCIENT Across the sky, we see the universal in the eye of all mankind! People of earth...the Ziltoid show!

Submitted by Morgoth — Apr 26, 2025

[Little boy:] Mommy, mommy, is he really here? Is Ziltoid really here?.. [Little boy's mother:] Yes he is... in fact. THERE HE IS NOW!!! Dominate, dominate, dominate... [Captain Spectacular:] As your elected representative, I, Captain Spectacular, have the distinct honour of presenting to you the intergalactic sensation... ZILTOID THE OMNISCIENT! [Ziltoid:] Yes... So the mourning comes alive, now I can fly... Go, dominate their lives, I cry, but never forget this warning: I cry out loud, show me this chosen liar. Liar, liar, liar, liar... never! [Narrator:] Humans are a strange species, equal parts good to evil, and at this time in their development they're not ready for interactions with other life forms. His appearance, and the reality that Ziltoid is from another planet, has thrown their primitive society into mass hysteria!!! He is being revered as a God... for now...

Submitted by Corpse Grinder — Apr 26, 2025

Calling on the earth's core (part of the mind) We are human beings! Calling on the earth's core (part of the mind) We are humans being! What will we find, when we all will die? [Ziltoid:] Collective, this is commander Ziltoid the omniscient reporting [Collective:] Greetings, Ziltoid...what is that strange creature?!? [Ziltoid:] Oh, this little thing! Yes... they call it a 'Poozer' [Collective:] ...From the planet Titan?? You must take it back!!! Calling on the earth's core (part of the mind) We are human beings! Calling on the earth's core (part of the mind) We are humans being! Where do we find the human soul? All the searching leads to you! (I've grown over, I roll over) I crawl over my life of honour All these children, entitled horrors... [Narrator:] Meanwhile, far across the solar system, Queen Blattaria, a war princess and the mother of the poozers, realizes one of her children has gone missing! [Blattaria:] Oh no... where is my Poozer!!!!!!??? [Narrator:] The plot thickens... (I am nowhere, I am no one... I am nowhere, I am no one) [Collective:] Commander, are you sure that the war princess does not suspect it was you who abducted her Poozer? [Ziltoid:] Oh yes, absolutely collective, indeed. You should have seen me: I was in and out like the wind! Indeed. She shall never suspect a thing!! [Collective:] We hope so, for your sake We cannot risk intergalactic war with Titan. Where is the Poozer now? [Narrator:] Up to this point, Ziltoid has had his back turned to the Poozer... but he makes a break for it. [Collective:] Quickly, Ziltoid, show us the Poozer! [Ziltoid:] Yes, of course, I've kept a very close eye on him... err... (We are all in line and we are all prepared to die) [Ziltoid:] Gadzooks! HE'S GONE!!! [Narrator:] Through the cold abyss of space, the little Poozer races home... [Ziltoid:] Collective! I'm sure that he was right here... computer! [Computer:] Commander? [Ziltoid:] Please tell me where the Poozer is now... [Computer:] Current location of the Poozer: directly through the wormhole. [Ziltoid:] Hmmmm... well... poop. [Narrator:] Through the wormhole, the Poozer has arrived back on Titan. He reports to his mother, the war princess, what he has seen, and that it was Ziltoid who had abducted him! Now the War Princess is a beautiful, vain, and rather grumpy creature. She lusts for power, and though she is the mother of countless Poozers, her vanity has made her rather revolted by these "children" of hers. She is devious; and knows that she can utilize their blind love and devotion to create a formidable army! We see now her missing Poozer as it enters her chambers.

Submitted by NecroGod — Apr 26, 2025

[Blattaria:] My child, where have you been? I've been worried sick about you... [Poozer meeps] [Blattaria:] You were taken? … by Ziltoid? Why would HE take you to EARTH? [Poozer meeps] [Blattaria:] So you're saying, his home planet is dying? … And he needs to find a suitable place to colonize? [Poozer meeps] [Blattaria:] I'm still confused... why Earth? What is there? What is this 'coffee' you speak of? [Poozer meeps] [Blattaria:] … you don't say! My love, gather your brothers! Oh, little ones... the one light, the one we share! Part of me, you're part of me! you're part of me! you're part of me! you're part of me! you're part of me! you're part of me! But we're parting ways for the world... Part of me, you're part of me! you're part of me! you're part of me! you're part of me! you're part of me! you're part of me! You're pardoned waste to the world Now, through the wormhole! ...Open the wormhole! All the way to their world Part of me, you're part of me! you're part of me! you're part of me! you're part of me! you're part of me! you're part of me! We'll part the way to the world [Narrator:] The war princess commands her army of Poozers: [Blattaria:] POOZERS! [whips a lash] [Narrator]: Build me three terrifying weapons for an attack on the earth! Heave, Ho! Heave, Ho! Heave, Ho! Heave, Ho! Slave the way, have to stay awake, slave the way... Slave the way, have to stay awake, slave the way... Everybody knows what the future holds, everybody seize the falling dollar, dollar... Everybody seeds, everybody's numbered... Everybody seize your mind and TAKE THEM FOR ME!!! MY CHILDREN, now RAGE! EVERYBODY SEED! RAGE! EVERYBODY SEED! [Drone:] But your majesty... if we attack the humans now, we'll surely lose more than half of our forces!!! [Blattaria:] I'm sorry, there must be some sort of misunderstanding, let me try to explain this again, you see: We are going to invade the earth, and you will follow... We shall follow... [Blattaria:] FOR I'M YOUR QUEEN!!! (War is forming, always for God's children, War is forming, always for mom's children) You've been waiting in line Rage now, for the empire... rage now, FOR MY LOVE! (War is forming, always for God's children, War is forming, always for mom's children) You've been waiting in line Rage now, for the empire... rage now, FOR MY LOVE! ATTACK FORMATION! ATTACK FORMATION! ATTACK FORMATION! ATTACK, ATTACK! YOU'LL DIE FOR ME! YOU'LL DIE FOR ME! YOU'LL DIE FOR ME! YOU'LL DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE...FOR ME!

Submitted by Celtic Frost — Apr 26, 2025

People of earth! We are your poozonian overlords! You cannot run... Resistance is futile! Hand over your coffee! And all I'll need to see is all you knell and cry You stand before them now, and now's the you die Threw away your number! Threw away your name... Half a word of warning you're conforming all the same! And now I see you running for your fetid lives You've been the ones before and now you stand behind! Half of you are eating Half of you abstain! Tear away your motive throw your goddess on the flame! Half of you are evil, Half of you divine! So now submit to us and all of you in line Don't reach out, no refunds everybody takes! Show me your own resource, intergalactic shake! No returns, no answers, everybody pays! Show me your own resource, intergalactic deathray! Poozers take aim and fire! All for their queens desire! Hallowed be thy number Guaranteed we die! Everyone if fearing it but no one wants to say... Half the world is sleeping, The other half's away Welcome to the show, my friends... Taste of her deathray! Don't reach out, no refunds everybody takes! Show me your own resource, intergalactic shake! No returns, no answers, everybody pays! Show me your own resource, intergalactic deathray! Yea, humans... do you feel the groove?.. ...infinite void of infinite parallels, into your mind! No returns, no answers, everybody pays! Show me your own resource, intergalactic deathray!

Submitted by Morgoth — Apr 26, 2025

Ba ba ba ba We are the ones who have come for your rapture all you shall bow to the will of your captor warrior, warrior So for the war comes a man for your people Hail to the man from the world of my people warrior, warrior watching, waiting, you are alone... We are coming... eyes to the sky and the stars hey ho, everyone is ready to arrive and everyone prepare to give their lives and there is no escape so steel us....armory, arming me... hey ho, everyone is ready to arrive and everyone prepare to give their lives and there is no escape so steel us... armory, arming me... prepare! 10... 9.... 8.... 7.... 6.... 5.... 4,3,2,1.... Fear us! Fear us! Fear us! ba ba ba ba.... we are the ones who have slaves over masters all you shall bow down to your alien ambassadors warrior you are attached to me although you're alone, mommy's watching, waiting you are alone! we are coming eyes to the sky and the stars!! hey ho, everyone is ready to arrive and everyone prepare to give their lives and there is no escape so steel us... armory, arming me... (x4) Steel us, armory, arming me steel us, armory, arming me...

Submitted by Cyberwaste — Apr 26, 2025

If the seeds that come for me are protecting your lie Why fight? Just come towards with forces, do it now! I crawl around ivory thrones and your wandering eye, your wandering eye, your wandering eye, your... Oh, sing it loud! Those wandering eyes are so weak, so sing it: Oh, sing it loud! Ah! Oh, no, you've gone away! [Ziltoid:] FETID HUMAN, RELEASE ME! [Captain Spectacular:] Not so fast... we need to get a few things clear, we're going to need you to sign a truce, this is our lawyer [Lawyer:] Hello Ziltoid, this contract between us: -You agree to join forces with the humans (Yes!) -You agree to not turn against the humans (Yes!) -At the end of the day, forthwith and without prejudice (Yes!) -You relinquish your command over to Captain Spectacular (OK!) -Very good, sign here...here...and here. [Ziltoid:] OKAY!! Thank you very much... do you mind if I use the bathroom for a moment? [Captain Spectacular:] Not at all.. [Ziltoid:] Yes, out in a jiffy! [Ziltoid:] Silly humans, they free me, yet they do not know the depth of my evil. Yes, I have something in mind for them, and the war princess [Narrator:] Captain Spectacular frees Ziltoid...and an uneasy truce is born. The battle's about to begin, the war about to commence Preparations for the alliance are now underway. Ziltoid and the human army get their collective poop in a great big shiny group. The first order of business: beat that war princess before she begins stage three of her attack! Ziltoid knows of something even more powerful! Something so crazy and dangerous, no mere mortal dare utter the name of aloud unless they want their head to explode into tiny bulbous shards. But for the sake of your listening pleasure and today's story, we're just going to call it by the human translation: Herman The Planet Smasher [Captain Spectacular:] Now, don't pull any fast ones, Ziltoid, you need to get that weapon of yours down here. There's a lot riding on this trust I've got in you. Don't let me down! [Ziltoid:] Aye Aye captain poopypants, don't worry I shan't let you down, I'm on your side! [Narrator:] Ziltoid is keeping to himself that he's only too aware of the great danger of dealing with the Planet Smasher... and just what it might bring...

Submitted by Nargaroth — Apr 26, 2025

I know! Raised before the sky bleeds For we are, we are light! I wallow... but I'm not sorry at all! [Narrator:] The Planet Smasher... A creature with a voice so powerful, one word can destroy galaxies, universes! One utterance of the most powerful sonic force of anything, anywhere can defeat Blattaria! Way out in space and far from home. Who's the maker? Who's the man? Who's the maker? Who's the man? It's your way out... Raise before the night bleeds A man will come and be flown away. Come forth as the time needs Free in the universe [Narrator:] Night, the infinite darkness. The death of a star. These things will all come to pass unless Ziltoid and the humans are victorious. We're on our way... follow! All gone astray? We fly! [Narrator:] Legend has spoken of the Planet Smasher in hushed tones... The size of 50 elephants, a huge gaping maw baring rows of dagger-like teeth! Claws that could tear a human in half with a single, effortless swipe! Eyes that burn like a hellish furnace!! Get a hold of yourselves, humans... And prepare. He. is. COMING! Coming to Earth, coming to Earth, coming to Earth... Coming to Earth, coming to Earth, coming to Earth... Coming to Earth, coming to Earth, coming to Earth... Coming to Earth, coming to Earth, coming to Earth... [Narrator:] On the horizon, a looming shadow begins to appear. THE PLANET SMASHER Coming to Earth, coming to Earth, coming to Earth... Coming to Earth, coming to Earth, coming to Earth... Coming to Earth, coming to Earth, coming to Earth... Coming to Earth, coming to Earth, coming to Earth... [Narrator:] HE HAS ARRIVED! [Children:] He's so cute! Haha! [Ziltoid:] No, no, no... He's terrifying! [Children:] No, no, no... Just look at him! … He's so FUZZY! [Ziltoid:] No, seriously, don't provoke him! [Narrator:] Well, as it turns out, the Planet Smasher is just a little guy... Furry, and about the size of a football. And with the most adorable little toes... you could just eat them up! [Narrator:] The stage is set... The immensely powerful, though admittedly cute as a button Planet Smasher is wielded carefully by the humans. Ziltoid leads the army, and it has been decided that he will be given the weapon at the right moment. Ziltoid is the only one capable of summoning the Smasher's mighty roar. But is even he strong enough?

Submitted by Nargaroth — Apr 26, 2025

Into the void we go to fuel our own volition Between the fall of man, the gods and the submission. To each their own they say while promising salvation The god is money, man, we'll fall into remission... FIGHT! … We will FIGHT! Incestuous desires will feed your own addiction To face your fears requires you burst into the question. Do not deny the possibility of weakness. Condemns the mind and draws the soul into the sickness! Ah! You're running away from me... I fall in love with you! A way out is the way! You are your own mind! Fear in the face of creation … Lies in the eyes of God. You are the face of God and you hold the fates you're calling Fear not your words! … I know. You've been submitted to the force of my creation! You have the son of light to feed your own vocation! And every son of man who falls to this transmission See as the fallen ones come further to the mission! TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT FROM ALL! You're running away from me... I fall in love with you! A way out is the way! Ah! You're running away from me... I fall in love with you! A way out is the way! Home we go! Oh, God of solar mind Now let my spirit rise! You are the face of God and you hold the fates you're calling Fear not your words! Never be afraid of this power! Connect this, through everything forever!

Submitted by Morgoth — Apr 26, 2025

[Ziltoid:] Blattaria! War princess! I am here with my new best friends: the human beings who are now my army! And together, we shall defeat you! Captain Spectacular! [Captain Spectacular:] Right here, Ziltoid! [Ziltoid:] Yes. Please, provide me with the weapon. (Don't do it captain, don't do it!) [Ziltoid:] Ha! Fooled you, poopypants! [Captain Spectacular:] What?! But- butbutbut Ziltoid! [Ziltoid:] Yes. I have duped the humans into thinking I am on their side! [Captain Spectacular:] Ziltoid, we had a deal! You signed a contract! [Ziltoid:] Yes, I signed it in pencil. With my left hand. I mean, you’re just so dumb, it- it hurts! [Captain Spectacular:] Ziltoid, how could you do this? [Ziltoid:] Oh please, do you actually think that there’s anything in common between me and you, human? [Captain Spectacular:] There’s more you have in common with humans than you realize. Think back to your childhood! You must know how I know! [Ziltoid:] What are you blathering about? [Captain Spectacular:] Ziltoid, search your memories. Don’t I look familiar to you? [Ziltoid:] Just tell me! [Captain Spectacular:] We have the same mother! [Ziltoid:] Woah!! [Narrator:] Turns out, Captain Spectacular… is Ziltoid’s half-brother! [Ziltoid:] Woah! [Blattaria:] Will you losers get on with it?! What are you talking about over there? [Captain Spectacular:] I have something here from our mother! And she wanted you to have it. This is the universe’s ultimate coffee bean! [Ziltoid:] Woah! Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme! [Captain Spectacular:] Ziltoid, you were always destined to be humanity’s last hope! Now end this! [Ziltoid:] Wow, this is so heavy, and unbelievably cheesy! Oh well, Planet Smasher, I command the attack! [burping] Woah, what the heck! [Blattaria:] Ha ha ha! Nice weapon! [Ziltoid:] Oh crap! [Blattaria:] Ziltoid, I see you have a soft spot. Well, let me show you how we play in my world! Captain Spectacular, you die!! [Captain Spectacular:] Ayeayeayeayeayeayeaya [Ziltoid:] No!! [Narrator:] All… seemed to be lost. [Ziltoid:] My brother! [Narrator:] What Ziltoid failed to realize is- the Planet Smasher needed his own reasons to summon his ungodly power! [Ziltoid:] Nooo! [Narrator:] The pain of his brother dying pierces his withered heart! [Ziltoid:] Ugh, so lame! [Narrator:] As Ziltoid kneels beside his fallen brother, as if in a dream, the song they’d sing together as children is all of a sudden on his lips… [Ziltoid:] Memories… all alone with the memories… [Planet Smasher roars] [Narrator:] The War Princess wasn’t about to go quietly. She grabbed out, got a hold of Ziltoid, and in that moment they were both… gone! Turns out the thing the Planet Smasher hated the most… was musicals! Who saw that coming?! [Earthling 1:] They’re gone! We’re free! We’re free!! Captain Spectacular saved us! [Earthling 2:] And so did Ziltoid! [Earthlings:] Hip hip hooray! [Narrator:] So Ziltoid, the War Princess, and the Poozers are jettisoned through that hairy wormhole. The Planet Smasher, off to wherever Planet Smashers go. The musicals worked! The humans, now left alone amongst themselves to celebrate, wallowing in the sacrifice of Captain Spectacular, yet giddy in the joy of their survival, awash with the promise of their brand new world, voices raised together in celebratory blissful song. The earth sang as one- believe it, or not.

Submitted by johnmansley — Apr 26, 2025

How many times must we live through this dimension Only to mourn many lives we have lost To be someone is our only directive for the way How many souls must we fall into the depths of our creation? We're willing again! Fallen brother, fallen for the world Universal minds call you, universal mind... All men, all women, and all who've gone! So many people will try to live Only those who surrender begin to live! Even through death, even through love Even through honesty and togetherness! Look 'em straight in the eye! Look them straight in the 'I know why' How many times must we live through this dimension Only to mourn many lives we have lost To be someone is our only directive for the way I know why! Universal minds call you, universal mind... Universal minds call you, universal mind... All men, all women, and all who've gone! We've gone! We've gone! We've gone! We've gone! [Narrator:] Thus ends our story. This is the end... Or... is it? Far from the earth in a distant nebula, we now find a lone moon... Barren... Isolated... Through the wormhole Ziltoid has awoken, seemingly alone on this trance moon made of bones and dust Only he is not alone... The only other thing on that planet is the war princess, and one solitary bag... of coffee. … To be continued.

Submitted by Corpse Grinder — Apr 26, 2025