I’m Going to Kill Myself

There's a whole world out there But I'm sinking in shit Nothing says dead end like a drug lords cul-de-sac Two streets and they call this a city Sometimes I see the the dead drive by With my faith in the trunk They're headed nowhere Just like me I'm sorry, Dan I'm doing what I can We let you down again Fuck this band I'm sorry, Dan This city stole my plans Gave them to people I can't stand Fuck this band I'm a swollen catamite Stuck in adolescence I'm a self aware sinner With no confessions Bang down this door With a fury unbeknown [sic] I just can't tell if I'm locked out Or if I'm locked in It's a trap I'm engaged to, a fiance I'm arranged to Home to everything... And as soon as the lock turns, A haunted house of drowning fairies - We're celebrating a day early again I'm sorry, Dan I'm doing what I can We let you down again Fuck this band I'm sorry, Dan This city ruined my plans I used to be an honest man Fuck this band [No change, only age] Scum of my soul, please grow old Every lesson I've been told Reeks of privilege undeserved, Tend to the rabbits, mark my words Genuine whores with leather skin, Turn away, don't let them in If there's one thing I've learned from the filth I live, Is that nature always wins Mother, father - should have settled past the grade Sheltered and yet homeless, every feeling the same Mother, father - thank's for the clever name At least I'll have something when this city breaks No change, only age

Submitted by Nargaroth — Jun 18, 2026

Eyes glare at the screen Self obsessed magazine It couldn't hurt to turn you off Pretend that this cord has an end Appliance built on alibis Wake up, watch your family die One picture at a time, We're creating the final lullaby Listen It's the slow steady hum of destruction Power cord creates a noose Eat the forbidden fruit Void receipt for a wireless heart Children manifest into plastic Window panes kept so dry No one sees the frame inside Holding cell for our apathy Connect me to the quiet humble earth Maybe it's true, I'm just like you, I just have less to say I just have less to prove There's a virus growing in me All fantasies catered to me High-res social sodomy Infinite files A resignation to empathy Full of shit patriots Found the book and rendered it Leave an impression on your broth And forget why we lost our jobs Stare down at your hands, Watch the keyboard grow within The creases skin can't cave in Birth all over again Become this gargantuan we've created: Mortal machines [Missing text] Our DNA has been replaced with binary code Wake up in space, the world's a hard drive Crashing, breaking, faking dead energies Potential got the best of us We advanced too far past Darwin And left holes in our humanity They're full of promises we made before we hated god

Submitted by Nargaroth — Jun 18, 2026

Abandon me For my sins For a wife For a son With your death I'm dead weight Snowbirds don't fly A man-child who fucks to spread disease, Conform, and lies Once you're a father [missing text] Self-righteous in your mistakes We're 20 year slaves Lost rights in a name Taken from us the day we were saved From wombs escaped A longing to be back from whence we came We are Animals Apes Lonely and depraved [They say this will kill me... But they won't say when] I'm dead weight Forgive you? Forgive you? You only promised me death Father, father Please save me If you are a god? Why must you die? (Why must I die) Eat up, black maggot Bastard children on display In a coma state Imprisoned in a glass house web page observed every day

Submitted by Nargaroth — Jun 18, 2026

Slower than life itself, Jon opened his eyes, And Karen beamed back with the same fake optimism She'd had since bible study when she was nine "Rise and shine, love" Jon grinned back searching for a trap for his eyes But the mole on her neck was the best he could find She rose from bed With a yawn that couldn't have fooled a bigot And approached the bathroom John caught a glimpse of her wings tattoo and privately scorned, As if to compensate for having just slept in her bed His mind wandered to nowhere and back He was still laying in a shrine of reminders he wished were covered As if there weren't enough, The alarm clock went off to Karen't favorite Taylor Swift song And Jon took a moment to embrace life's harvest before turning it off The shower ran and Jon picked up the remote; He applied it with force It was the most control he had with anything, Even the car's brakes were going out There was nothing on so some infomercial did the trick; A hole that his attention fell in and never found its way out It seemed like seconds before Karen's necklace graced his nose And she kissed him goodbye Jon's lips mustered in a circle, but applied no pressure or suction; A ritual that kept him from any awareness She reminded him about the laundry, And left in a hurry even though she was early Jon walked to the kitchen and found a pen and paper He began to write: "Those who know me will say it makes no sense, Let me offer you this - I agree Consider this the script of my head, A declaration of the things I haven't said "I'm 38 years deep in skin I wish was dust And before you jump to any conclusions, I'll admit it, I'm tired of all of you but it's myself I just can't stand This isn't depression or a crisis, I'm just so fucking bored If someone could have talked me out of this, I'm glad they didn't "Mom, guess I'll address you first You should have known from the cesarean birth, I haven't ever desired to exist Thanks for the food I guess We both know Todd was your favorite and I don't blame you I don't give a shit what Freud would say Boring is about the extent we have in common Shouldn't have cheated..." Karen burst through the door "Forgot my report!" Jon waited for her to be on her way again And looked her in the eye for the first time in weeks Confidently, but without emotion or dramatization he opened his mouth "Bye", and she left He started where he left off... "...on Dad, we knew you'd end up alone Judging by your boredom at Grandma's funeral, I imagine you'll be the same at mine "Dad, there aren't enough sighs left in me to show you anything If guilt exists in these lungs, it's for you and I'm sorry We could have been closer if it weren't for me Too many barriers got in the way, Like that time I got the belt on Christmas day I've been your burden and I appreciate the roof, thank you But your greatest lesson was in misogyny Between mom and Cheryl you know just how to pick them I knew I'd hate my wife someday You know exactly what I mean "Todd, best of luck with the UFC thing "Karen, don't know how the will thing works but you can have it all I looked into life insurance but it doesn't count for suicide There's a penny in the account for every vibrant verb you wish I was I've never had goals to succeed in disappointment But I can feel yours in me, let's make it easy on you I know you've always hated the ring, and I hate mine too, But not because of the way it looks Life is just easier when I take it off Since the day I promised "I do" I've been watching us fade to black - Maybe that's what Hetfield meant "We're some kind of monster that couldn't bear an infant As much pain as you are, at least we never had kids... It's easier to beat them in my head Regardless, I'm happy this is on my own accord Remember the time you caught me jerking off to Groupon? That wasn't the first time or the last I'd rather watch senior porn than deal with the biannual anniversary sex Those files in my computer are bound to shock you so be cautious "If you ask me, it's a miracle I've made it this far My greatest achievement is waking up 14000 days in a row "While pictures may inspire deceit, I'm already as dead as I'll be in five minutes Say what you want, but take my guidelines into consideration: If they call me brave remember that I was weak And if they call me careless, be honored I took the time to write the note Just don't ever call me special "I'm going to kill myself."

Submitted by Nargaroth — Jun 18, 2026